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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25546468">Under the Willow Tree</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinasnewt/pseuds/tinasnewt'>tinasnewt</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Miscarriage, PEENISS, everlark, trigger warning</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:22:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,857</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25546468</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinasnewt/pseuds/tinasnewt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Katniss and Peeta struggle with the stillbirth of their daughter. *TRIGGER WARNING*</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Katniss Everdeen &amp; Peeta Mellark, Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Under the Willow Tree</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Trigger Warning</p><p>Katniss struggled to button her jacket up and let out a frustrated noise when she realized her belly was too big. Peeta passed by her and began to put on his own jacket, and he gave her a strange look when he saw she had put on her favorite gray coat. "And where do you think you're going?" He asked, wrapping his arms around her from behind.</p><p>"I've got another doctor's appointment. Dr. Conway told me to come every month; she said it'd help with the nightmares, knowing our baby was okay," Katniss replied, as she turned around and buttoned up her husband's coat. "I'll stop by the bakery when it's over and eat all the food. I've been craving cheese buns forever. And I'll let you hang the new pictures."</p><p>"I hope those cravings don't last forever, or we'll run out of ingredients. But anything for you and her," Peeta said, and Katniss smiled as he pressed his hand atop of her stomach. "Are you sure you don't want me to go?"</p><p>She shook her head in response. "No, it's alright. Addy and I can manage just fine on our own. Besides, you have cheese buns to make. And no- you're not driving me, I knew you were going to ask, Dr. Conway told me to try and clear my mind before going, so I can address any questions I have without forgetting them, which means I have to walk. I'll see you soon," said Katniss as she kissed Peeta's cheek. He was left stunned at Katniss' negation. She always let him tag along. Katniss noticed the look on his face and sighed. "I really would rather go alone this time. She said it's good to be independent. If anything worthy happens, I'll call you." Katniss walked to the door and left.</p><p>Her walk through the snow was cold, and she shivered as an icy wind blew past her. She passed through the new Hob, although it wasn't a black market anymore. It was set up exactly the same, except the people had more money and could deal better trades. When she neared the nicest part of town near the hospital, she saw a familiar figure. "Haymitch?" She called out, running across the street to meet up with him. "What're you doing here?"</p><p>Haymitch looked up at her. "Sweetheart, I'm not going to lie to you. The boy sent me to make sure you got here safely. I guess I can leave now?"</p><p>Katniss sighed and nodded. Of course, Peeta would do that; he worried about her more than he said. "Haymitch-" Katniss began, grabbing his arm. "Will you come with me? I know I told Peeta not to but he'll never let it go if you don't. Just... wait in the waiting room. It shouldn't take long." Haymitch sighed, although he knew he'd have to anyways. As much as he tried to deny it, he cared for the tributes he mentored. He followed her inside and a sterile stench filled his nostrils, making him crinkle his nose and utter words of disgust. He sat in a chair while Katniss checked in, watching a Capitol soap opera that had been playing on the tv. Soon enough, a nurse calls Katniss' name. She sighs as people stare at her and her belly; she still wasn't used to the staring.</p><p>Dr. Conway was already in the room when she arrived, and Katniss sat in the chair she had become familiar with. "So, Katniss, do you have any questions you'd like to ask?" She asked, clicking her pen.</p><p>Katniss closed her eyes, the bright light that had yet to be shut off hurting her sensitive eyes. "Yes... just one. Do you know if... if the nightmares will stop?"</p><p>Dr. Conway eyed Katniss, a concerned look on her face. "Have they gotten worse?" Her client nodded. "Well, there's no telling. I think that you should probably stop worrying as much as you do- last time I checked, she was perfectly fine. And she'll be perfectly fine this time as well. In three months when you hopefully deliver, you'll have a healthy baby that will be your entire world. If you focus yourself on one thing, say a hobby like... painting, you can distract yourself from the paranoia you generate in your mind."</p><p>-add more-</p><p>Dr. Conway had to tend to another patient, so she sent a nurse in with a Doppler to check Adelaide's heartbeat. She shut the light off and adjusted the screen that would show Katniss her baby. The nurse right away took the Doppler to check for a heartbeat.</p><p>Katniss said, "I don't hear a heartbeat." Her mind began to swirl, and panic set in.</p><p>The nurse replied, "Don't worry. This happens sometimes, the machine malfunctions. I'll get Dr. Conway."</p><p>While the nurse got another Doppler, Dr. Conway came in. She was checking for the heartbeat. Nothing. Then she said, "We'll just check with the ultrasound." Katniss' couldn't control her mind, she felt trapped, like something dark was swirling around her mind. Noise filled her being, but nobody was talking.</p><p>The room was dark, and the light was shining on her face. Katniss could see her eyes, moving around like she was panicking. She felt the blood draining out of my face. Her lips got cold.</p><p>"I'm so sorry, Katniss," she said. "There's no heartbeat."</p><p>The noises in her head stopped and were replaced by a ringing. Katniss barely got her words out, asking, "What do you mean?" Dr. Conway came over and she held Katniss' hand, tears threatening to spill over her small eyes.</p><p>"Would you like me to get Haymitch?" Dr. Conway asked, but Katniss didn't answer. She felt numb, unaware of her surroundings. Dr. Conway took that as a yes, and left Katniss alone in her room. I have to deliver this baby, she thought to herself.</p><p>Haymitch strolled in, a worried look on his face. "Dr. Conway told me everything," he said.</p><p>Katniss thought about it, the fact that she had to give birth to a dead child. She knew how stillbirth worked- her mother had performed many when she was younger.</p><p>A sudden thought crossed her mind. I have to tell Peeta. At the thought of his name, Katniss began to speak. "I have to... I have to tell him," she started, a numb feeling still inside her. "He... Haymitch, what do I say?"</p><p>"I don't know, sweetheart," he said solemnly, grabbing her hand. "I'll call him, it's better that way," Haymitch suggested, but Katniss yanked his phone out of his hand.</p><p>"It's better if I do it,"'she said, her voice cracking. Katniss hadn't realized she'd started crying. Her hands shook as she dialed her husband's number. The tone rang once, twice, three times until he picked up.</p><p>"Hello? Haymitch, how is she? Is she beautiful? Did Katniss show you the pictures?" Peeta answered, thinking Haymitch had called him. His excitement for his daughter made a terrible feeling spread throughout Katniss.</p><p>Katniss let out a sob, her words silent as she mouthed them to no one, unable to form words. "Peeta..." she strangled out, unable to say any other thing. He then realized it wasn't Haymitch at the other end of the line, but his wife.</p><p>"Katniss?" He asked, confused.</p><p>Katniss couldn't say anything; her cries had taken over her body. Instead, she let out another sob that sounded like a despaired cough, and Peeta realized something was wrong. He immediately closed the bakery, grateful nobody was in. He listened to Katniss' sobs, not knowing what to expect. When he couldn't bare it anymore, couldn't handle his wife in so much pain, he told her he loved her and hung up. When he finally reached the hospital, it only took a few moments to locate his wife.</p><p>Katniss jumped as the door burst open, only to be relieved. Peeta was there, a worried look on his face. He scrambled over to his wife, who sat on the bed, tears streaming down her face. He held onto her, unknowing of what had happened. "Haymitch..." he said shakily. "What happened?"</p><p>"Katniss...," Haymitch began. "The baby... it, Katniss... the...," he stumbled on his words, not knowing how to deliver the tragic news. "The baby was... it didn't make it, Peeta."</p><p>Katniss heard Haymitch's words and glanced up at Peeta. It was the only time she'd ever seen him cry. Haymitch didn't know what to do, he was in front of two people he thought of as his own children, and they were experiencing the worst moments of their lives. Dr. Conway came back in, closing the door quietly behind her. "Katniss... Peeta," she said quietly as the two watched her. "You're going to have to deliver soon... Would you like me to induce it now or wait a little while? We can always send you home for a few days, but you'll have to come back."</p><p>Peeta stared at the doctor, feeling her sympathy for them. "Give us a few moments,"<br/>
He said, cradling Katniss' head against his chest. Dr. Conway nodded and left the room. "Katniss," he whispered emptily. "You have to deliver her."</p><p>Katniss pictured having her child. But every time, it ended with a baby crying. She hoped, prayed that she would hear Adelaide's cries, that it was all just a misunderstanding. She knew, though, that wouldn't happen. "I just... I want it to be over. I want all of this to be over."</p><p>Dr. Conway returned and inserted a medicine into Katniss, then connected her to an IV. All the while Katniss tried to numb her mind, to not feel anything mentally. She grabbed Peeta's hand, knowing there was the pain to come.</p><p>A few hours past and Katniss started to feel a tingling sensation, followed by a sharp burst of pain. When she cried out, the doctor asked if she wanted an epidural; Katniss consented and winced as she felt the needle enter her back, but sighed as she felt her entire back and legs turn numb. A large pressure seemed to build up inside her, growing and growing, until she felt she couldn't take it anymore. The sharp bursts still came, they were just dulled out by the numbness, from both the epidural and Katniss' mind taking over. When Dr. Conway told her to push, she did, and then after a few more Dr. Conway reported she could see the baby's head. Katniss balled all of her hope into the final push, feeling her lower region tear as the baby exited the womb. Katniss waited, and waited, but all she heard was a deafening silence. Dr. Conway said in a soft voice, "Katniss, she's beautiful." The doctor went to hand Adelaide to Katniss, and Katniss didn't want to hold on until she felt her child's skin against her own, and then she never want to let go of her tragically lost child. A nurse worked near her, stitching up the hole created as she gave birth to her child, then coated her burning area with ice.</p><p>Peeta took his daughter from Katniss' grip, and she didn't know how to feel as she watched him. Her love was completely heartbroken as he stared at his creation with a pained and proud expression. Haymitch excused himself, not able to bear watching the scene anymore. They continued holding and cradling her, kissing her head, saying things to her as if she could hear them.</p><p>"We should bathe her," Katniss said after almost two hours of silence, cradling her child. The baby did not look normal; her head was disfigured and her skin was a sickly yellow color. But she was still Katniss' child, and the only thing that kept Katniss from breaking down was holding Adelaide.</p><p>Katniss heard the sink turn on as Peeta filled a basin with warm water. He was reading a pamphlet on how to bathe stillborn babies. He cried silently into the water, letting his tears drop into it as he added some oils.</p><p>"Why wasn't I good enough for you?" Katniss whispered once Peeta was out of earshot. "Why did you die?" A few tears slipped down her face as terrible thoughts crossed her mind. I was never meant to be a mom. She thought. She heard the water shut off, signaling that Peeta had finished filling it. Katniss moved off of the bed, wincing as her lower region still burned with fiery pain, and handed the baby to Peeta. He squeezed a soft cloth to remove it of any extra moisture before slowly wetting her skin. He dipped his fingers into the foam and lightly caressed her skin, careful not to touch too hard for fear of damaging or tearing the skin. Katniss repeated what Peeta did, carefully and slowly. Katniss could feel herself breaking as she did so, piece by piece. She slowly worked her way up to Adelaide's hair, rubbing it softly, as Peeta joined her. When she was all clean, Peeta rinsed her under a soft stream of warm water. He placed her unresponsive body on a cloth he had laid out and allowed Katniss to pat the baby dry. They were silent as they did these actions, the only sounds a stifled sob or a sniff. Peeta had Vaseline gauze in his hand, and he wrapped it around any places he saw were macerated. At one point, he had to gently grab Adelaide's hand. He began to let go; to stop controlling his emotions and let them flow freely, never letting go of his daughter's frail hand. Katniss didn't know what to do, she was hardly able to stand up, and couldn't control the tidal wave that's threatened to release itself any moment. so she did what she knew how to do. She wrapped the Vaseline gauze in dry gauze and dried the baby's ears and nostrils with a Q-tip, all while her husband broke down next to her. "Peeta," she whispered quietly after awhile. "It's... it's time to dress her." She grabbed a diaper from the pile beside her, shuddering as the ripping of two things stuck together echoed throughout the room. Peeta and Katniss had already planned this. They would dress her together, slowly but surely. It was before the horrendous day's events had occurred. Katniss felt Peeta's hand atop of hers, and then he slowly lifted his baby up for Katniss to slip the diaper under. He helped her secure it, then wept on her shoulder for a moment before grabbing the pink blanket that had been wrapped around her only minutes before. He and Katniss slowly dressed her. They combed her dark hair and put a hat that was too big for her deformed head on, so they filled all the extra space with gauze. Katniss kissed Adelaide's forehead slowly, and she felt like everything inside her was shattering. She was grateful Haymitch had left, he had decided to take pictures, thinking they'd preserve the memories in their book. Of course, they would. The photos Haymitch took were beautiful, compassionate.</p><p>Peeta walked Katniss slowly back to the bed, and she sat with a wince. Their time together was slowly ticking, the baby would soon need to be transported. Katniss hadn't decided what she wanted to do. A funeral would be too painful, cremation seemed too morbid. She'd told the hospital attendant to do whatever would honor her the most. "I want to see her eyes," Katniss said. "But... I don't want to hurt her, do you think I could open her...?"</p><p>Peeta didn't reply, instead, he gently pushed his two fingers against Adelaide's skin, pulling her shut eyes apart. "They're yours," he said, closing his daughter's eyes again. "She is a straight copy of you."</p><p>Katniss thought of a life with her daughter. Teaching her how to hunt, watching her and Peeta bake together, them all sitting in the meadow. She began to weep for the daughter she'd never have. The same thoughts crept into Peeta's mind, and they cried together, their salty tears mixing together as they hit the skin of their child. When the nurse finally came in and asked if they were ready, Katniss told the baby she loved her, and when the nurse took Adelaide out of Katniss' hands, Peeta begged to hold her one more time. The nurse obliged, and he whispered loving things into his daughter's ears, even though she could not hear him. When the nurse closed the door between Katniss and her child forever, she felt a hole rip inside her as Haymitch walked back into the room, red circles under his eyes. He hugged Katniss and whispered reassurances in her ear. He did the same for Peeta before leaving them again, leaving Peeta and Katniss together in an empty delivery room, where they had cared for their lost child. Katniss knew she would never be the same again; she felt it inside her. Peeta kissed his wife's head, unable to comfort her in any way.</p><p>A child's death leaves an emotional scar on everyone, and the holes in their hearts felt as if they'd never heal.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello. This was a very emotional one-shot to write, and I'm crying as of writing this author's note. If you needed to skip this one shot, I completely understand. Please do not take the matters of this fic lightly. This happens almost 70 times a day in the US alone. I added this one-shot because of it; people don't realize how common stillbirths are. My heart goes out to the women who've had to experience this horrendous loss. I hope I wrote it well enough to convey the thoughts and feelings of Katniss and Peeta as they went through this difficult loss. If you are struggling with a loss or need help, there are numbers you can call. I am also listing a few organizations to contact if you feel you need more help.</p><p>Hotlines:</p><p>After Loss: 800-423-8811 (Bereavement)</p><p>Compassionate Friends: 877-969-0010 (Support for those dealing with death of a child)</p><p>SHARE: 800-821-6819 (Pregnancy and infant loss support)</p><p>Organizations:</p><p>The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development</p><p>The International Stillbirth Alliance</p><p>The Maternal and Child Health Library at Georgetown University</p><p>First Candle</p><p>I encourage you to talk to someone. My sympathy goes out to you and your family.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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